Accomplishments While Governor of Texas:

o  Relaxed pollution laws for power and oil companies (I "grandfathered" the dirtiest coal burning power plants, making them exempt from clean air laws, for example) and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union, in 1999. I invited polluters to write Texas's environmental policies, a theme that I carried on into the WhiteHouse after I was selected President. The same year, Houston had the "highest ozone level reading in the nation", and was second most ozone polluted city in the country from 1997 through 1999.

o  Slashed taxes, reduced state revenue to the point of bankruptcy and put the Texas government in debt for billions in borrowed money, the interest for which is now paid for by the Texas taxpayer.

o  Set a record for the most executions by any Governor in American history and became famous for publicly mocking Faye Tucker, a Christian female death row inmate, for her passionate clemency plea before she was executed.

Accomplishments While US President:

o  I attacked and invaded two countries so far, losing more US soldiers after I claimed "Mission Accomplished" than the total number who were killed during full combat operations in both wars combined.

o  I spent the largest surplus in the history of the country and nearly bankrupted the treasury.

o  I shattered records for the biggest annual deficit in history.

o  Set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in a 12 month cycle of any presidency, beating the previous record which was set during the depression years.

o  Set all-time record for biggest loss of value in the history of the stock market during any presidency ($5 Trillion drop equalling a 27% drop in investor stock portfolios from the date of my inauguration).

o  First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

o  First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

o  First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history and continued that practice throughout my term in office.

o  On August 6th, with plenty of time available to prevent or thwart the predicted attack, I received a Presidential Daily Briefing entitled, "Bin Ladin Determined To Strike Inside The US" and later claimed that "I never saw any intelligence that indicated there was going to be an attack on America", and due to my charm and excellent public speaking skills, I made the press and the people believe me instead of the facts.

o  After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history, the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center, and sat calmly expressing strength, bravery and reserve for at least 7 minutes during the attack, standing sure and certain, strong as a rock, while almost 3,000 American people died.

o  Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips on Air Force 1 than any other president in US history.

o  I approved and allowed my Saudi friends to traverse the country, hopping from airport to airport, and fly to Saudi Arabia. This was while the rest of the country was in fear of its life after several Saudis perpetrated the worst crime in the history of the United States. (9/11)

o  In my first three years in office over 3.3 million Americans lost their jobs, so I asked for another $550,000,000,000 (that's $550 Billion) in tax cuts because they're obviously working.

o  Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.

o  Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

o  Set the record for the fewest amount of solo press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

o  Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when ENRON corruption was revealed and many states faced bankruptcy.

o  Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national strategic oil reserves to alleviate the crisis. Instead I filled up the reserves while the prices were high. (I treat my friends well)

o  Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans while posing on aircraft carriers in a flgiht suit and despite praising the troops at every opportunity.

o  Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches)

o  Dissolved or abandoned more international treaties than any president in US history.

o  My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history, surpassing the secrecy of the Nixon administration at its darkest moments.

o  Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice had a Chevron oil tanker named after her)

o  First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously reach the point of insolvency.

o  Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud (ENRON, WorldCom, Global Crossing) of any market in any country in the history of the world.

o  First president in US history to order an illegal, unilateral and unprovoked attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.

o  First president in US history to start a war against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

o  Created the largest new government bureaucracy (Department of Homeland Security) in the history of the United States.

o  Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.

o  First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.

o  First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.

o  Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

o  I ignored the United Nations demands and requirements pursuant to international law and warfare.

o  I have systematically eroded the civil liberties of American citizens more than at any other time in US history.

o  I have promoted and passed landmark laws making sweeping new surveillance activities, spying, arrest, imprisonment, interrogation, and obtained the power to order the death of any person, without cause or due process.

o  I disregard states rights when it suits me, but I ran for office on a platform that holds states rights above federal rights. In fact, I got into office by having the US Supreme Court operate out of its own jurisdiction and trample all over the sovereignty of the State of Florida.

o  I've imprisoned more sick people for growing and smoking medicinal Cannabis than any other president, in violation of states rights, of course, and against the wishes of the states and local voters.

o  My attorney General, John Ashcroft is encouraged to, and always prevents, anyone charged with a medicinal Cannabis crime in a Federal court from using the defense that the majority of voters approved the activities in the case before the court and that the alleged 'crime' was in fact perfectly legal activity and a well regarded resource for sick people in the state where it occurred.

o  Withdrew from the World Court (Permanent Court of International Justice) and I refuse to recognize it unless it gives my administration, the US and global corporations special immunity so that the US can continue to torture and kill anyone in the world with complete impunity.

o  Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and refused to abide by the Geneva Conventions regarding prisoners of war by cleverly classifying them as "enemy combatants", thereby allowing us to circumvent the Geneva Conventions.

o  I was the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

o  I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

o  My personal friend and biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). Kenny Lay was charged with several crimes, indicted by a grand jury, and will stand trial but he'll get off; he's just like me, innocent of all charges.

o  Spent more money on polls and focus groups in the first two years of my presidenct than any president in US history, despite claiming throughout my candidacy that I would not use polling data.

o  First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

o  First US president to establish a secret shadow government, and I did this without the knowledge or participation of the oppostion parties in congress.

o  Squandered world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

o  With a policy of 'disengagement' and open public support for alleged war criminal, Ariel Sharon, allowed and condoned the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

o  First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view the US as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

o  First US president in history to have the people of South Korea feel more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

o  Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

o  Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

o  Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Usama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

o  Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building - my Attorney General is more interested in Louisiana prostitutes, paraplegic pot smokers, dancing kids and glass pipe salesmen than in capturing terrorists.

o  Captured Saddam Hussein only after spending billions of dollars, using the entire armed forces and at the cost of over 400 American lives and 2000 wounded soldiers, most of them missing limbs, deaf or blinded.

o  In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented, stalled, diverted or spiked any real public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. Additionally, I failed to capture any of the masterminds or people responsible for the attacks.

o  In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

o  Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category into a sharply downward trend.

o  Did nothing about the failing US power grid during the first two years of my presidency, despite repeated warnings, and later presided over the largest total power blackout in US history that incapacitated several states and part of Canada.

o  In order to prevent financing abortions in China, I cut off all $34 million of aid to the U.N. Population Fund, which was also used to provide medical care to pregnant teenagers with defective pregnancies who will now die or walk around trailing urine and feces for the rest of their lives unless voluntary charitable help is found.

o  I proposed removing overtime pay for millions of Americans despite the pay cut being overwhelmingly opposed by the public and Congress, and I will continue my union busting agenda as long as I'm the Commander in Chief.